flickersticked

I'm really happy with the new spill canvas cd "No Really, I'm Fine". early standout tracks-reckless abandonment, all over you, lullaby, connect the dots. I'm definitely going to catch their show in Towson in November. I think I'll see if I can get Franny and Ryan to go, oh and Amanda and Mike too. They'd make a good first concert for Amanda.

So I haven't written in this thing in over a year and I thought it was about time I updated it. Going back and reading my old entries was depressing! Things are much better right now so I wanted this journal to reflect that. Health wise I'm doing a little better, I finally got off the Effexor XR and that has done wonders for my energy. It's still not great obviously but I'm much less drowsy throughout the day. My mood is also better, authentic emotions suit me. Withdrawal was hell but I got through it and it was definitely worth it. Next stop, getting rid of the xanax. I've also been dating the most amazing guy ever for the past 6 months. In fact I'm making plans to marry this guy. His name is Mitch and he's everything I ever wanted in a partner. We live together at my parents' right now but hopefully in the next few months we'll be in a position to buy a house. I've never been more sure about anything than I am about him. I bought my wedding dress this past weekend. What an exhausting experience the bridal shop is! It was all worth it though when I saw myself in that dress, it was just perfect. And also deeply discounted, which, if you know me, you know is important :) Oh and today I received my first disability check! It took me 4 years to be approved but I'm just grateful this day is finally here. It feels great to be able to pay my own bills again and not have to ask my parents for help. It's been such a financial burden on them, I hope now they can concentrate on their future plans, like eventually retiring. So yeah, everything is great, I'm actually really really happy. Amazing what a difference a year can make!

so it's been forever since I wrote in this thing. the idea of a public journal still seems a little strange to me but it seems better than nothing right now. there's no one to talk to. for some reason everyone is asleep at 3:30 am...strange thing that. I thought I was in for a good night of sleep because the doc gave me darvocet today for my migraines but no. it helped with the pain a little and made me goofy as hell but not sleepy. I was fairly productive though, I discovered the truth about baby carrots and wrote my first ever rap song. who knew I had flow...ha. alright, I've changed my mind. I don't feel like talking after all, there's too much to say and I don't know where to start. so this will have to do as an entry. better than nothing? hopefully

Not a bad start. I still want to hit the rest before I turn 30.



create your own visited states map

A - Age you got your first kiss: 12 years old, first good kiss, 16 years old
B - Band listening to right now: July for Kings
C - Crush: I think I have a crush on everyone right now
D - Dad's name: Robert but he goes by Mike
E - Easiest person to talk to: Kari
F - Favorite song at the moment: Hmm...Something to Be by Rob Thomas right now
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: worms
H - Hometown: Salisbury, Md
I - Instruments: saxophone
J - Junior High: wi middle
K - Kids: none
L - Longest car ride ever: Grand Forks, ND to Jackson, MI- 15 hours straight
M - Mom's name: Vicki
N - Nicknames: Shell
O - One wish: health
P - Phobia[s]: locusts, snakes, getting hit by a baseball
Q - Quote: The dreams you dream are all you ever were
R - Reason to smile: it's spring
S - Song you sang last: "song without a chorus" by butch walker
T - Time you woke up [today]: 10 am
U - Unknown fact about me: It's probably unknown for a reason
V - Vegetable you hate: cauliflower
W - Worst habit(s): hmm..being the perpetual wallflower
Y - Yummy food: chocolate
Z - Zodiac sign: cancer

----------------------------

I AM: restless
I WANT: excitement
I HAVE: the best family
I WISH: I had the means to go after my dreams
I HATE: bigotry
I FEAR: being nothing
I HEAR: music
I WONDER: how I am perceived
I REGRET: nothing
I LOVE: my dog, good music
I ACHE: all the time
I ALWAYS: keep trying
I AM NOT: a sissy
I DANCE: like a superstar
I SING: along
I CRY: rarely
I AM NOT ALWAYS: optimistic
I WRITE: too little
I WIN: sometimes
I LOSE: when I don't win
I CONFUSE: people
I NEED: more money
I SHOULD: clean my room

----------------------------

YES or NO:
x. YOU KEEP A DIARY: no
x. LIKE TO COOK: no, but I like to bake
x. YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: not that I can think of
x. YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: I do

DO YOU...?
HAVE A CRUSH: not on anyone in particular
WANT TO GET MARRIED: yes
GET MOTION SICKNESS: only in small planes
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: no, probably should be though
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: absolutely
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: love them

-----------------------------

CURRENT
HAIR COLOR: brown
EYE COLOR: hazel
HEIGHT: 5'3
BIRTHPLACE: knoxville, tn

-----------------------------

FAVORITE
NUMBER: don't have one
COLOR: blue
DAY: don't have one
MONTH: July
SONG: Landslide by Fleetwood Mac
FOOD: lasagna
SEASON: fall
SPORT: baseball..go red sox
DRINK: mr. pibb

PREFERENCES:
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: make out
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: chocolate milk
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: milk chocolate
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: chocolate

-----------------------------

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
CRIED?: teared up a little over a tv show
HELPED SOMEONE?: I think so
BOUGHT SOMETHING?: no
GOTTEN SICK?: stayed sick
GONE TO THE MOVIES?: no
GONE OUT FOR DINNER?: no, lunch though
SAID "I LOVE YOU"?: yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: no
TALKED TO AN EX?: yes
MISSED AN EX?: yes
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: just this one
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: no
MISSED SOMEONE?: yes
HUGGED SOMEONE?: yes
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS?: no
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?: no

I never know where to start these things but I feel the need for some sort of release so here goes. I don't even know if anyone reads this thing anyway. This feeling of standing still while the world spins wildly around me is driving me a little crazy. Everyone, everything is moving, not always forward, but moving nonetheless. My life just feels stagnant. My yardstick for judging where my life and where it should be is Kari's life. I know there's no use making comparisons, there wouldn't be even if our circumstances were the same, even if I was 3 years older and healthy but our lives moved along together for so long I can't help it. I was supposed to graduate one semester after her. Instead, she took the fast track and I got put on the bench. She will graduate this year, and I have not even been in school for almost 2 years. And now she has started making all these new friends,it's not that I want her to be alone and/or lonely, I don't. But her happiness, and circle of friends is just a sharp contrast to my solitude. Besides, I never have liked the idea of sharing something I wanted to be entirely mine. I really didn't create this journal as a place to whine and bitch but I don't feel the urge to write when I feel good inside. Hell, I don't know. I just want to live the life of your slightly above average 20 year old. I want the job, I want the schooling, the dreams, the ambitions, the boyfriends/girlfriends, the nights out with friends, all of that. Maybe someday? I can hope.

I lifted this from someones journal

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	shelby
Birthday:	july 15
Current Location:	salisbury
Eye Color:	hazel
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	5'3
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	english/irish/scottish
The Shoes You Wore Today:	adidas tennis shoes
Your Weakness:	pretty girls, chocolate
Your Fears:	failure, rejection...the usual suspects
Your Perfect Pizza:	sweet peppers
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	year as in 2005? get back in shape, maybe start driving again
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	cool
Thoughts First Waking Up:	I'm hungry
Your Best Physical Feature:	eyes
Your Bedtime:	whenever I feel tired
Your Most Missed Memory:	summer 02
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	wendys
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	ice cream? vanilla, everything else chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	nope
Do you Swear:	fuck no
Do you Sing:	all the time
Do you Shower Daily:	I bathe
Have you Been in Love:	yes
Do you want to go to College:	yes
Do you want to get Married:	yes
Do you belive in yourself:	yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	only in tiny planes
Do you think you are Attractive:	moderately so
Are you a Health Freak:	nope
Do you get along with your Parents:	very well
Do you like Thunderstorms:	love em
Do you play an Instrument:	I try
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	not recreational ones
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no...unfortunately
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	I think so
Ever been called a Tease:	more than once
Ever been Beaten up:	only by my sister
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	if I'm young I want to go out big, if I'm old I want to go quickly and quietly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	a mother, a partner, I don't care much about my profession at this point
What country would you most like to Visit:	Ireland
Favourite Eye Color:	blue
Favourite Hair Color:	blonde
Short or Long Hair:	long
Height:	whose?
Weight:	""
Best Clothing Style:	casual, t-shirt and jeans, and cool sneakers
Number of Drugs I have taken:	again, none recreationally
Number of CDs I own:	200ish? probably more
Number of Piercings:	none
Number of Tattoos:	none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	I have no use for regrets
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

How should your friends respond to this entry? LiveJournal Username Age Sex MaleFemaleYes please! A secret must be told to you by dameenpourpre A compliment must be left by candycanethief A complaint about you should be left by dameenpourpre Song lyrics for you to guess should be posted by dameenpourpre A memory of you should be posted by candycanethief Ten words that bring you most to mind should be posted by candycanethief A haiku (5,7,5) should be written about you by candycanethief Quiz created by Lissa at BlogQuiz.Net

Cool Quizzes like this one at Blog Quiz

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It's been a sad week for music. Rubyhorse is on a "hiatus" that I'm not sure they'll ever come back from. Travis Delaney left July for Kings. and Cory Kreig has left Flickerstick. My musical world is falling apart. These are 3 of the best bands I have ever had the pleasure of hearing and hope they continue to rock despite the hardships and changes facing them. If you're not a fan already, check them out. Save the music!

Alright, well I really did intend to keep this thing updated but it's been a really long time since I thought to visit it. It's almost 5 am here now and I can't sleep...what else is new. I wish I could think of something I hadn't already tried. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep next week when I'm in Ohio with Kari...it would suck if we were on different sleep schedules...maybe I'll be able to turn her nocturnal. I'm looking forward to the trip, I need a change of scenery. If nothing else it'll be nice to lay in a different bed and look out a different window. Ideally it'll be a little more exciting than though. We'll be seeing July for Kings twice, once in Columbus and once in Cincy. It's been over 2 years since I last saw them so I'm looking forward to seeing how their live show has evolved. now I remember why I neglected this thing...it's hard to think of what I want to say. My mind goes 100 miles an hour but I have a hard time articulating anything. The only thing that's loud and clear all the time is that I need some sort of purpose...the days and nights run together, one indistinguishable from the next. It makes me feel...less than. I need to find a way to make an impact...this disease makes it so hard. How much of an impact can I make from my bed? Thoughts, suggestions, comments are appreciated.

So...the last weekend before school starts. I can't believe how quickly the summer passed. I've been out of school now for 9 months. I'm very nervous about going back. I'm really concerned about how I'll handle the demands that school will place on me. My health has been in the shitter lately and I can't even imagine how I will wake up at 9 am and spend 4 hours at class. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but it is. Part of me wishes I was taking all my classes online. It would be less stressful for my body but it would still make me feel like an invalid. It's so frustrating to know that it will be so hard for me to keep up this schedule. I'm taking 4 classes, one of which is an online course, and I'm working 4 hours a week. I should be able to do this. I think I'm going to try acupuncture. Just for the fact that I've never tried it before. can't hurt right? the diet didn't work, the pills didn't work, the exercise didn't work, the massage therapy didn't work....I could go on but I'd just be bitching. Guess all I can do is try to be as positive as I can and keep on trucking. Wish me luck.

Alright, so I've been signed up for LJ for months now and I have yet to write anything. I figure the 1st of september is as good a time as any to start. I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to write about in here, anything I like I guess. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually. My day today was fairly uneventful, I felt better than usual, that was a nice surprise. The best news of the day was that Rubyhorse has a new, active street team. I'm really excited about this because I used to be street team leader for delaware. I get to help them out and I get free stuff, you can't beat that with a stick. They're looking for assistant tour managers in every city they play in so I'll probably do that for the show in october in baltimore. Basically I'd help with loading in/out and selling merch. I love that stuff. The more people that refer to the street team, the better off I am in it so if anyone wants to join feel free to email rubyhorse@streetteams.net and tell them Shelby Purkey(flickersticked@aol.com) sent you. I'll put the street team address below....everyone should join. They're incredible guys and musicians. Although if you're reading this you probably already know how I feel about them. Alright, I think this is long enough to be a respectable first entry. Hopefully I'll write again soon.

http://streetteams.quiettantrum.com/teams/rubyhorse/index.cfm?errormsg=